


The Long Drive Home

by Lelline



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Christmas Sweaters, Fluff and Humor, Gavin Questions, Joel is a jerk, M/M, Misunderstandings, Ray left the crew, Secret Identity, road trip fic, worried Jeremy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 15:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5462300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lelline/pseuds/Lelline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeremy's job was simple.<br/>Grab some errant techie named 'David Free', drive him across the country, and then give him over to the Fake AH Crew.<br/>He wasn't expecting the man to make the job so complicated without even trying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Drive Home

**Author's Note:**

> Since people actually seem to like this on Tumblr, here it is on AO3 for your viewing pleasure.  
> (Not Jack Centric if you're one of the three people following me for him)

“I’ve got another one.” The blonde said from his spot in the back, lounging out on his seat and tapping an empty water bottle against his knee. There was a case of bottles by his feet, but he still seemed content to hold his empty one. He shifted, and Jeremy couldn’t help but glance back, seeing the loose clothes bunch a little around the lean brit.

“Alright.” The ex-gymnast said, eyes focusing back on the road. It would be a lie to say that he was remaining professional, but they were on day two now of a long ass drive and he was certain that the other man was going to keep talking anyways. At least his stupid questions made the hours go by.

“So, let’s say that you have your pick of all the A-list celebs. You could take any one of them at any time, shag ‘em, marry ‘em, whatever you want.” His voice dropped a little, as if the next part was some scandal for Jeremy’s ears only. “But whenever you did anything with them, they would look and sound like George Bush.”

“Senior or Junior?” Jeremy screwed up his lips in thought, as if that part mattered. One was old as dirt, the other one was dumb as dirt.

“Either.” The brit waved lazily, obviously just as aware that either option was bad.

“Would they still feel like whoever they had been before?” Jeremy let out a little disgusted thought of touching a naked Bush. “Would they smell and taste like old man?”

“Have you ever tasted an old man?” The brit shot up fast, nearly smacking his head on the roof.

The shorter man just shrugged, a wry smile on his face. “Hey, not that old.”

“Have you ever tasted a british man?” The other leaned over to press at the metal bars separating the back seat from the front. “Wanna try?”

The driver just snorted, changing lanes so that he could overpass a slower driver. “Sorry, Mr. Free. I’ve got a policy against fucking targets.”

 

He had accepted the job only a few days before.

It had been a surprise to find the note in his mailbox asking him to meet a potential client in one of the busiest restaurants in town. Usually he handled things online, never meeting clients in person. Occasionally they would insist on burner phones or skype calls, but he didn’t do well with face to face meetings.

The thing was, Jeremy was not the most intimidating person to look at. Or more accurately, his height was not something people tended to equate with a thug-for-hire. He was good at his job, good at busting kneecaps, beating the shit out of idiots and protecting merchandise, but in the eyes of potential clients, he was simply too short. That combined with the fact people tended to get a quiet, unassuming vibe from him, meant that in most cases a face to face meeting tended to make people rethink hiring him. So he put out a reputation for preferring to keep everything anonymous.

He went to the restaurant expecting some crooked businessman, fresh to the world of crime, or a big headed small time gangbanger trying to pull a power play. Judging by the face to face meeting, the job had to be a smuggling or a bodyguard deal.

Instead he was greeted by one of the biggest names in the business and hired to abduct a British man from the airport and drive him across america.“David Free” was the name Joel Heyman had given him for his target, alongside a picture that hadn’t done the man justice.

He had found him easily enough in a pub near the gate for international flights. ‘David’ had grinned when Jeremy sat next to him, though he was already heavily into his cups and his eyes were flat. Jeremy recognized the look, having seen it plenty of times in the men he hunted down for double crossing or for stealing from their business partners. Free was a man on the run. Jeremy could see other signs, recognizing the creases on ‘David’s’ clothes being from recently unpacked from a suitcase and from the thick fuzz around his chin indicating he hadn’t bothered to grab a shaving kit. David had been traveling for at least two days, and restlessly glanced at the gates whenever an announcement rang out over the speakers.

Jeremy hadn’t expected him to look so young though. The tanned man couldn’t be much older than Jeremy, and looked twice as harmless. He had the body of a teenager, all lean lines and slim limbs, and his hair was ridiculously styled.  
He grinned a little as his eyes had met the hired thug though, and his eyes skimmed over Jeremy’s compact, muscular frame with something a little more hungry than friendly. His accent had made it even harder to stay professional, the brit purring out a line about handsome strangers. He was gorgeous, flirty and exotic.

It had been embarrassingly easy to drug him.

From there, things were easier. He grabbed Free’s hand before the drugs really hit, taking advantage of how disoriented he was growing to get the Brit to follow him to the parking garage.

He had modified an old police car for the trip, making sure that escape would be impossible, while keeping some sense of anonymity. No one would be able to tell there was a captive in his back seat, not unless they got close enough that Jeremy would be able to handle it.

It was awkward helping the heavily drugged man change. He stripped Free down to his skin, not even leaving his jewelery or his boxers. Heyman had warned him that the brit was a tech consultant, and every bounty hunter and hitman knew that meant trackers and a higher chance of them knowing how to make a distress beacon out of a wristwatch and shoelaces.

He put the man in a cheap pair of pants and a shirt from the $5 table at walmart. He’d done poorly estimating the size, and he had caught a brief glimpse of how poorly the briefs had sat on the brit’s skinny frame, but he hadn’t let himself really look at him. It always felt wrong, handling someone so cavalierly, and he knew his mother would have given him a good smack if she had ever caught him undressing a drugged person.

It wasn’t about that though. It was about the job.

 

 

He had expected a fuss when Free had woken up. They had reached the highway by then, hours past Newark Airport, and it was a miserable day for driving. There was just enough snow for Jeremy to get nervous on fast turns and the car was a little too dried out by the old heater. Worse was the fact that there were no auxiliary jacks on the radio and the proximity to December 25th meant most radio stations were playing Christmas tunes. The car was quiet and dry and Jeremy’s hands were a little too tense on the wheel as he sipped a cold coffee.

 

“So I’ve been kidnapped then?” Free had spoken up from the back, obviously unbothered by the idea. He had sat up, tugging at his cheap new clothes for a moment and making a face. “Figures.”

 

“Goodmorning.” Jeremy said, wondering how exactly he should be talking to his captive. He was used to quick, dirty jobs, not acting as a surprise chauffer for a AWOL techie. “I’m afraid to say you are.” David Free gave him a weird look, so he turned back towards the road. “Sorry if you have a headache.”

 

“I take it from the nice guy act you’re not planning on killing me?” The man reached forward and rattled at the metal bars separating the front and back seats. “Are you some kinda bloody perv?”

 

“Nope.” Jeremy shook his head, “I’m just a fetcher for someone much more powerful than either of us. You seem to have caught the attention of important men, Mr. Free.”

 

His captive let out a low laugh at that, as if Jeremy had been more right than he had thought.

The problem was that Free didn’t seem all that scared or angry. 

 

Instead, he seemed to just want to treat Jeremy like a chauffeur. He regularly requested fast food, complained about the music, and complimented Jeremy’s driving. He made jokes, he flirted, he made stupid observations and by the end of the first hour he was coming up with endless would you rather questions, mostly centered around sex and food. He never tried to kick up a fuss, or to try and bargain for his freedom.

 

By the second day it was Jeremy who gave in, asking the question that had been plaguing him from the start. “Why aren’t you afraid?”

 

“Because you’re driving towards Achievement City.” His captive shrugged, eyes on a passing bus. “I’ve got friends there.”

“You know I’ve been hired by someone big, right?” Jeremy frowned, feeling a little bad about how lightly he was taking things. “David… He’s not going to just let you go because your friends asked nicely.”

“No. You haven’t seen how nicely they’d ask.” A blindingly chipper smile was directed at Jeremy. “I’ll be fine.”

 

 

They slept out in motels, Jeremy picking the emptiest ones and making an effort to at least pretend he was still in charge of the situation. Free never tried anything, other than one attempt to sneak out to “a free lunch buffet”. Jeremy almost believed that the brit had just wanted some free toast. Still, he couldn’t trust the man. He was his captive, and Free would want to be well… free.

The last day was the roughest. This far south there was no snow, but he was tired of driving and tired of constantly sitting. He gave into the other man’s ten millionth plea to stop for coffee and bagels, and Jeremy bought a travel carafe just to have more on hand.

As they passed the final state line, Free shifted nervously. He grew quiet, sipping at his last water bottle.

“I had a fight with my family before I left.” It sounded more like a confession than anything else. “It was stupid.”

“Is that why you were headed home?” Jeremy tried not to empathize with that. “You wanted to apologize?”

“Nah. England isn’t my home anymore.” He shook his head, leaning forward to press his fingers through the bars. “Home is where your friends are, innit? I wanted to see my biological family, yeah, but I was really just running.”

“What was the fight about?” He was trying not to be curious when he knew in just a few hours he would be dropping the other man off. It struck him suddenly that he could be driving him to his death. His eyes went to the rearview mirror, taking in the tall brit once more.

He was handsome, with tanned skin and deep green eyes. His nose somehow suited his face despite its size, and his face was an open book of emotions. There was a little wrinkle on his forehead, his lips pursed and eyes faraway. Jeremy wanted to see more of him, wanted to know what David Free looked like naked, or how he looked when he was happy. He was not sure which one he wanted to see more, and that was troubling.

Even if he wanted to turn around, to take Free to the airport or something and help him escape, he’d just be adding his own name to someone’s hit list. They were both over their heads, having caught the attention of dangerous men.

“So my friend Ray’s left us cause he wants to build up his rep.” The brit started. “N Geoff was a right prick about it all. He told us all Ray couldn’t come home for Christmas. But Jack gets to take his weird boyfriend. N’ Now Micool and Lindsay are bringing some birds from her crew. But still no Ray allowed.” He huffed, shifting his spot, “So I planned on going to see my family for christmas. Maybe see my old cat.”

“I would have thought of you as a dog person.” Jeremy said a little dumbly. He didn’t know how to comfort a captive dealing with friendship politics. “but… Well… I mean leaving wouldn’t resolve anything. Why didn’t you just invite him anyways or make plans with him instead?”

“Because the bloody wanker changed his number. I gave him a ring and instead got some old bag.” There were a few frustrated noises from the backseat, almost sounding like someone was wringing the neck of a drowning seagull.

Jeremy couldn’t think of anything more to say, so he just shrugged, turning on the radio and wincing when the first station was playing some pop christmas monstrosity. He ended up with a classic rock station and left it alone just because there was no mention of snow or santa.

“So…” Free started again. “How about this, so you get a million dollars but every time you sneeze, your arms forget they’re arms for thirty minutes.”

“Your arms… forget they’re arms?” Jeremy glanced back, unable to help his smile. “How would that work?”

 

 

The drive seemed all too short as they pulled into the driveway of a mansion just outside Achievement City. There was no snow, and the house had no lights up, but there was a tree in one window and a wreathe on the door.

“I guess this is it.” Jeremy said, heart in his throat. He could see Joel Heyman already, standing beside two angry looking men. The first was a redhead with a tangle of curls on his head, a permanent scowl on his face as he looked at Jeremy like he was a bug. Then there was a dark haired man in a full tux, his tattooed hands gripping a gun. They made their way down the steps quickly, Joel hanging back a bit and looking a little too entertained.

Jeremy wanted to put his foot down on the gas. He almost did. He could get away if he drove fast. If he could get to the highway fast enough, he could outrun them for a while. He could try to get Free to safety.

But they would get them anyways. And then they would be twice as angry at them.

He felt his heart breaking, guilt rising up to block off his throat as he could only watch the approaching men.

The redhead pulled the back door open, reaching in to haul the british captive out roughly. “You fucking idiot.”

“Micool.” Free cooed at the spitfire, wrapping his arms around him. “I missed you, boi.’

“You okay, Gav?” Geoff Ramsey, leader of the Fake AH Crew asked Free, giving Jeremy the stink eye. “Joel only just confessed to how much of a jackass he’s been. We would’ve gotten you days ago.”

Joel just shrugged, “Hey, I wasn’t being a jackass. I was being Jack’s ass. He said he wanted the crew together for Christmas.”

“And I’m sure this is what he wanted.” Geoff snorted. “Look at Gavin. He looks like a homeless man. Is that a walmart t-shirt?”

The redhead, who had to be Mogar, pushed Gavin Free off to Geoff, yanking Jeremy’s door open. “I should fucking kill you.”

“But Micool.” Gavin protested quickly. “He thought my name was David. He had no idea of what was going on.”

“Look man, I’m sorry.” Jeremy protested quickly. “I had no idea. Joel just said he was some contract techie. I would never have done this if I knew.” He knew he was probably going to end up dead now, but he felt a little relieved that Free- That Gavin would going to be alright.

“Lets all just get inside.” Gavin suggested. “I need a shower and some bevs. Jeremy can defend himself over dinner.”

“Dinner?” Jeremy repeated a little dumbly.

“Dinner sounds great.” Joel said. “Do you think Jack will forgive me now that the kid is back fine? Or should I get chocolates?”

“You’re a fucking asshole Joel.” Geoff said, tugging Gavin towards the house.

“You coming?” Joel shot Jeremy a grin. “You’ll get your money tonight.”

Jeremy did end up going inside, mostly because he knew better than to say no to the Fake AH crew.

The house was beautifully decorated, but seemed a little too impersonal. He guessed it was just a rental to accommodate everyone, since there seemed to be too many people staying there.

All of them were the kind of people he had only heard of. And all of them were too dressed down for Christmas, yet still terrifying.

The worst of them was the Vagabond, walking around in an ugly Christmas sweater depicting a happy snowman and dad jeans, but with his skull mask still on. He stood for ten minutes just three feet away from Jeremy, silently staring at him in a way that made Jeremy want to pull a blanket over his head and hide from the world.

Then there was Jack, the taller man giving Jeremy a long suffering look. “I’m sorry Joel used you to pull off his prank. Ignore the others.” He was wearing an elf hat, but the red sweater he wore made it obvious he would be better off dressing up as Santa himself. He glanced at Joel a few times, obviously annoyed, but only huffed when the skinny man came over to give him a quick kiss.

It seemed that Jack had almost forgiven the man already.

There was a hispanic man crashed on the couch, a pink DS in his hands. “Hi. I’m Ray.”

“I’m Lindsay.” A redheaded woman called out from the chair by the fireplace, her hat wishing everyone a “Meowy Christmas”. She started to introduce her friends, but Jeremy’s mind stuck on Ray. It seemed Gavin had gotten what he wanted afterall.

This was not a torture chamber. This was not Gavin getting interrogated or threatened. This was a bunch of people meeting up together to celebrate the holidays and to welcome the new year. This was Gavin’s friends, all under one roof, ready to let the past go.

And Jeremy slipped away before Gavin could come back.

Honestly, he was unbelievably glad the other man was okay. Gavin was a Fake AH crew member, an unbelievably talented man and he had friends in high places. He would have a happy holiday, would get to spend time with his crew, even the ones that had drifted away, and he would live a long and happy life.

And Jeremy slipped out to the car to drive away.

He found a liquor store on the way to his hotel. It was only a small place, but it had his favourite kind of whiskey. He picked up a bottle, glared at it, set it down, picked it up again, and then finally put it down beside the register before just leaving. He didn’t want to get drunk right then. He wouldn’t be a happy drunk.

The first thing he did when he got to the hotel was take a shower. The second thing he did was fix his beard and then crash onto his bed, bone tired and weary in so many ways. Three days of driving had made his legs sore and he knew he should go down to the hotel gym and get in a real workout but all he wanted to do was sink into his bed and disappear.

There was a bit of embarrassment on his end. In the airport Gavin had given him a fake name (possibly Charles? He couldn’t remember it now) but he had probably been carrying at least one piece of real ID. If Jeremy had done his homework, or even had just paid attention when he’d gone through the man’s things he would have realized that ‘David Free’ was actually one of the biggest players in the business. And for three days he had driven him across the country in a shitty car, treating him like a captive and constantly referring to him as ‘David’. And Free had let him. Gavin had probably thought he was the biggest fool in the world, and had probably gone through with it all just to get a good story out of it.

But what was worse was the fact he had gone through with it. He had driven his car up to the driveway, stopped in front of some of the most dangerous men in the country, and let them take Gavin. It didn’t matter that everything was alright, it didn’t matter that it had all been one misunderstanding. He had let dangerous men get to Gavin.

And that really didn’t sit well with him. Denial be damned, he’d liked the man a little too much. 

After about an hour he pulled himself out of bed and forced himself to get changed and go down to the gym. He had to let things go. He would be gone in the morning anyways. He had ideas about finding out where Matt was and maybe seeing if he wanted to spend the holidays together, joyriding and playing games. Maybe they could crash a church like they had the year before, dressed up as Jesus and Judas and screaming about zombies.

That had been fun.

The gym was nearly empty and surprisingly well stocked. The biggest surprise was the sled area, and he took great pleasure in loading the sled with as much as he could and just going mad, pushing it and then pulling it back and forth on the carpeted ground.

He liked to train hard, never concerned with how he would look afterwards. He sweated through his shirt, his hair was a mess, and he knew even his olive complexion had failed to hide how flushed he had become. As the only other person in the gym left, he only felt more liberated. Next he did squats, focusing on his form as he clutched the barbell. He barely heard the door open and close again, or the footsteps of the man coming in. 

“Okay.” Gavin’s voice drifted over to him, more than slightly amused. “You left our nice Christmas party to go to the gym?”

Jeremy was glad he was already red faced from the exercise, knowing the embarrassment would have gotten him otherwise. “I didn’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be intruding.” Gavin shook his head. “I wanted to talk to you again. I wanted to ask you another question.”

“Why?” He finally forced himself to look at the brit. He was clean shaven and finely dressed again, hair a little tall from product and a pair of sunglasses over his eyes. His shirt was green, and even from a distance it was obvious it was a high end cut and fabric. He looked like a celebrity or a model, especially as he smiled at Jeremy. The shorter man had to glance away, trying to focus back on his barbell squats. “I think it’s obvious this was all one big fuck up. I’d rather just forget all this.”

No one could say Gavin free was anything but tenacious.

He came straight over at Jeremy’s words, pausing in front of him so that he had no choice but to look at him. It had always been a little strange to be standing next to each other, since during the drive it hadn’t been as obvious how much taller Gavin was. Even when Jeremy stood up straight, he was still a full foot shorter than the brit, and he had to tilt his head back to look him in the face. He sighed, stepping back to put the barbell back in the stand.

“I had another question, though Jeremy.” Gavin smiled innocently. “Come on, didn’t you enjoy the questions.”

“Yeah. Did you enjoy not telling me who you were.” Jeremy headed for where he had stashed a towel and a bottle of water. At this rate his workout was going to be cut short. “I’m lucky your crewmates haven’t killed me yet. I’m not sure I won’t wake up tonight to Vagabond or Mogar killing me.”

The blonde shook his head. “They wouldn’t do that though. I told them not to. And they know it was all Joel.”

“It doesn’t matter if he was involved. He’s got his own protection. I’m fair game.” Jeremy sighed.

“You’re not. Geoffrey and Jack agree with me. It’s all Joel’s fault.”

“I don’t know why you’re sticking around me then. I still did my job, even when I thought it might be your death.”

That made Gavin hesitate, but he reached out, touching Jeremy’s shoulder. “You really didn’t want to though, did you?”

Guilt stabbed through his stomach, and his eyes couldn’t meet Gavin’s. He felt like shit. “I guess that was obvious then.”

“It was to me.” He squeezed Jeremy’s arm before pulling away.

“So I lost my composure a bit.” Jeremy rolled his shoulders back and toweled off his head, glad for a moment where all he saw was the white fabric of the towels. “It happens. What do you want from me?”

“Well, I just wanted to know….” Gavin tugged the towel off Jeremy’s head, giving him a sheepish smile. This close, Jeremy could see Gavin’s eyes under the tint of his shades. His eyes were almost a little scared, a bit too wide. “Well….”

“Is it another one of your ‘million dollars but…’ questions?” He prompted. If it was something stupid like that, it was best to just power through it. He would be gone by the next night, and the distance could make Gavin stop toying with him. 

“Yeah.” A red tongue slipped out of Gavin’s mouth, wetting his lips. It was a bit distracting, but Jeremy’s focus was still on Gavin’s nervous eyes. “Just a little question.”

“Yes?”

“Would you rather have a million dollars, or go on a date with me?”

“Oh.” Jeremy felt his stomach burst out into nervous butterflies, and he nearly dropped his water bottle. He fumbled as he caught it, eyes landing on his own shaking hands for a second before he glanced back up at Gavin.

The blonde was blushing, taking a slight step back. “Nevermind that, that was stupid, I’m bevved up or something….”

“Yeah.” Jeremy murmured, the plastic bottle crackling in his hands. “Yeah I would.”

“You would?” The blonde repeated, face carefully neutral. Jeremy belatedly realized his answer hadn’t made any sense, but that didn’t matter when all he could think about was dating the man in front of him. “You would what?”

Jeremy grabbed Gavin by the shoulders, tugging him down for a kiss.


End file.
